Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased. Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy and pride.
It is of enormous value when we can permit ourselves to understand the other person.
- “I judge people by their own principles – not by my own.”
Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgment, rather than an understanding of it.
- When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is almost immediately to feel “that’s right,” or “that’s stupid.”
- “that’s abnormal,” “that’s unreasonable,” “that’s incorrect,” “that’s not nice.”
- Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.
There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
Re-source: Respect
You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words. And if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never!
- For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.
- That will make them want to stride back. But it will never make them want to change their minds.
- You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or an Immanuel Kant, but you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings.
Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.
- “Men must be taught as if you taught them not and things unknown proposed as thing forgot.”
- “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
craving and resource from “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie