If you want to transform a disagreement into an opportunity for connection, you need to distinguish between past, present and future.
- Shift the focus to, “Where are we now?”
- The most important turning point comes when we focus on the future.
- What are we trying to accomplish for our future?
- What do we want our relationship to be going forward?
- What do we need to do, even if we still disagree, to create that future?
Not only be open minded but to listen with desire to learn more about the other person’s perspective
- One of the most courageous things to say in an uncomfortable conversation is, “Tell me more.”
- Exactly when we want to turn away and change the topic, or just end the conversation; we also have the opportunity to ask what else we need to fully understand the other person’s perspective.
- “Help me understand why this is so important for you.”
- “Help me understand why you don’t agree with this particular idea.”
- Then, we have to really listen. To understand in the same way we want to be understood.
Re-source: Reconnect
Civility – is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs and beliefs, without degrading someone else’s in the process. (From the Institute for Civility and Government)
- Civility is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting ground for dialogue about differences, listing past one’s preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same.
- Civility is the hard work of staying present, even with those whom we have deep routed and fierce disagreements.
- It is political in the sense that it is a necessary prerequisite for civic action. But it is political too that it is about negotiating interpersonal power such that everyone’s voice is heard and nobody’s is ignored.
craving and resource from “Braving the Wilderness” – The Quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone – by Brene Brown
