Most of us are our own worst enemies.
- We’re highly self-critical.
- We consistently beat ourselves up, we constantly sell ourselves short.
- We don’t give ourselves enough credit for the good that we’re doing in our lives.
- This self-critical pattern of behavior can hold us back from achieving our goals and tapping our full potential.
Being self-critical is the exact opposite of being self-compassionate. Compared to self-critical individuals, self-compassionate folks:
- Perform better
- Are more resilient
- Feel less depressed and/or anxious
- Have better relationships, feel more secure in relationships, get along with people more effectively
- Are more emotionally intelligent and less egocentric
- Are more satisfied with life
- Are better able to take risks, are less afraid of failure
- Learn, grow, and develop more effectively
- Are better at providing social support
- Are psychologically healthier overall
According to compassion research, self-compassion involves three parts:
- Self-kindness: a conscious attitude of kindness; being understanding and nurturing to yourself instead of harshly critical and judgmental.
- It is not self-indulgence or self-destructive pleasure seeking; you do things that truly make you feel better and sustain you.
- Common humanity: you realize it’s not just you
- Everyone has challenges, makes mistakes, and feels down and inadequate
- See yourself as part of a larger whole.
- Mindfulness: state of nonjudgmental, conscious awareness and self-observation.
Re-source: Reenforce
Call yourself out when you notice that you’re being self-critical. Here are some examples of being self-compassionate:
- Give yourself a break
- (Note that this doesn’t mean giving yourself a “get out of jail free” card all the time)
- Be kind to yourself
- Choose to be genuinely kind
- Have “crucial conversations” and say difficult things when you need to
- Practice mindfulness
- Practice self-forgiveness
- Have common decency and empathy
- Be honest and look at the big picture
- Recognize your needs and balance them with others’
- Focus on the process—on consistently trying to live according to your deeper values and principles, accepting that it won’t be perfect
craving and resource from “Change That Up” – changethatup.com
