Not all friendships are created equal
- Some inspire us to thrive while others keep us locked in drama.
- Technology makes categorizing friendships even more complicating.
- Hundreds or even thousands of “friends” on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, etc.
How do you distinguish between your deepest friendships and the random person who sent you a friend request after a two minute conversation?
- Aristotle’s answer was to divide friendships in 3 categories.
Friendships based on utility
- Arise when people take pleasure in each other’s company only in so far as they have hopes of advantage from it.
- These friendships are transactional
- they are the kinds of bonds that we make when we are expanding our circle of influence to gain some special advantage or social convenience.
- Work under the principle of “I get mine and you get yours”
Friendships based on pleasure
- Can be sexual, because they make you laugh, great fashion sense or has fascinating stories to tell, etc.
- The motto is something like “We are friends so long as it feels good.”
These first two forms of friendships are incomplete and ultimately unsatisfying.
Perfect friendships
- Real friendship isn’t about what you get or how much pleasure you experience.
- It is about loving others for their own sake. – through this we experience increased well-being and happiness.
How do we create more of these authentic, perfect relationships?
- If you want real friends and lasting relationships you must love the people in your life.
- More important, you must be more interested in giving than in receiving affection.
Re-source: Reflection
Relationships work like a mirror – we tend to get back what we give out.
The Negative
- The more we blame, criticize and resent those closest to us, the more we begin to feel bad about ourselves.
- We live in a culture that often reinforces this pattern. TV shows, blogs and social media sites thrive on judgement and criticism and shaming.
- This pattern also shows up in ordinary life. From time to time all of us slip into it. (Talking trash/gossiping/etc.)
- These actions are ultimately self-destructive. The more we indulge this habit, the more we begin to subconsciously subject ourselves to this very same mirage of judgement blame and criticism.
The Positive – we can choose to flip that mirror
- We can begin to send out more love and affection to others in our lives than what we get back.
“In loving a friend we are loving our own good.” – Aristotle
- It means that if you want more love, connection, and support from others; change starts with you.
- By training your ability to put our more love, more presence, and more compassion; you not only improve that chances that others will mirror back these qualities, but also begin to feel more love for yourself.
- This is important in your process of strengthening your relationships.
Be more present (especially with friends and family)
- Your shift to presence will open a space for them to feel more alive, supported and loved.
Of course the reverse is also true.
- Your distraction is also contagious. It will make those around you feel more distant and uneasy.
craving and resource from “Start Here” – Master the lifelong habit of well-being – by Eric Langshur and Nate Klemp
