We create what we fear.
While you cannot control what other people do, you can display certain attitudes and behaviors that influence things in your favor or against it.
- This is a way we manifest our apprehensions and anxieties
“Rejecting the rejecter”
- This is a textbook defense mechanism where we convince ourselves we don’t like the person who we feel is rejecting us in order to avoid feeling disappointment or loss.
- It is not a productive thing to do
Ending the cycle of Self-Sabotage
- Recognize your part in creating the problems that keep sabotaging you
- You are the only person who can end your own crazy cycles of self-destruction.
Recognize them for what they are. Pin point as many of yours as you can.
Once you have identified the contributions to the self-defeating patterns in your life, you have to stop them and implement replacement behaviors.
- As soon as you see yourself starting to fall back into an old behavior;
STOP!
- Take a step back or a deep breath to slow yourself down and be conscious of what you are doing.
Re-source: Recover
Consciousness exercise:
Before you act, think about you goal and how the behavior you are about to engage in will help or delay its achievement. How can you adjust your behavior and attitude to better serve you?
Example: If you know that you feel lonely you become insanely needy and pester you friends until they all lose your phone number, then think of something you can do to counteract that loneliness before it sabotages your relationships.
- Go exercise, pick up a hobby or a project that you are passionate about and lose yourself in it for a couple of hours, consider adopting a pet, etc.
Example 2: When you are feeling vulnerable and fearing rejection, rather than rejecting the other person or situation or shutting down, try reaching out instead.
- If someone flakes out on you for a date, don’t play games and not return his or her call for a few days. That only breeds more game playing and gets the two of you nowhere. Instead tell him or her that you really like them but it hurt your feelings when they cancelled it is felt disrespectful.
craving and resource from “Unlimited” (How to build an exceptional life) by: Jillian Michaels