You can’t win an argument
There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it. Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
- “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”
- If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
Buddha said: “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Re-source: Reassessment
- Welcome the disagreement.
- Distrust you first instinctive impression.
- Control your temper.
- Listen first.
- Look for areas of agreement.
- Be honest.
- Promise to think over you opponents’ ideas and study them carefully.
- Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest.
- Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.
- Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument?
- Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me?
- Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win?
- If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over?
- Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
craving and resource from “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
