Establishing trust-“Those who manipulate don’t ask for trust. Those who influence don’t have to ask for trust; they earn it.”
Big Secret- Ask questions and then listen.
3 ways to communicate
- Listen
- Ask questions
- Make statements
(Listening and asking questions are the way to go towards building trust)
“Knowledge is necessary but it is just a bit overrated.”
Open question vs. close question?
- Open questions get people talking.
- First words are what, why, when, where, describe, tell?
- Closed questions can shut down a talking person.
- First words are Are, would, will, if, can, did?
It’s not an interrogation, it is a conversation
“Everyone has a story, What’s yours?”
- The answer can provide an instant window into another person’s personality just by the depth of his or her response.
- This answer can provide information that the person would rarely tell another person
- The truth is that people want to tell their stories.
- The question is completely non-threatening
- They can answer with much or as little depth as makes them comfortable.
Re-source: Reshape
We are not just establishing trust but laying the foundation for change.
- When you learn to aim your questions, you need to have a goal or an end in mind to what to move your conversation towards.
“Those who manipulate put their faith in the right argument. Those who influence put their faith in the right question.”
- Influence may begin with trust but it can go nowhere without urgency.
- 8 of 10 people are aware they have an issue but they don’t want to do anything about it.
3 steps:
- Identify the problem
- Many people will not admit to a problem because they feel they will have to do something about it
- Use words other than problems
- Concerns, difficulty, dissatisfaction, challenge, barrier, limitation, obstacle, trouble, issue.
- Develop the problem
- Go deep and develop the problem by continuing to ask questions about it
- Stay curious
- Determine the impact of the problem
- Must be able to look down further and deeper at their problems
When you are applying influence you are planting an idea into another person’s brain and making that person feel if he or she thought of it.
- Use the words “you said…”
- It’s not about us, it’s about them.
- “another reason I am making this recommendation is that you said you were looking for a way to accomplish this goal”
There is a simple question to ask them: “Are you committed to making a change.”
craving and resource from “How to Change Minds” – How to Influence others without Manipulation – by Rob Jolles
