Change not of your choosing often sets off an emotional process that experts say follow a predictable cycle. (Similar to 5 stages of grief – by Elisabeth Kubler Ross)
- Denial – “Why is this happening to me?”
- Anger – “How dare this be happening, it is not fair!”
- Bargaining – “I’ll do anything not to have to go through this.”
- Depression – “Why even try.”
- Acceptance – “it is happening, and I can handle it.”
Unasked for change always represents a death of some sort.
- “We are all survivors of our own lives.”
When unasked for change hits us, it sets of a series of painful feelings like anger, grief and fear. Our feelings are valid and it is good to express how we are feeling.
After a certain point, we can get trapped in our feelings and it gets in the way accepting the change and moving forward.
- Anger hardens into bitterness
The stuck-ness often occurs when people assume that accepting what’s going on means liking it.
- It doesn’t. You have a right to not like what’s happening. It’s not how you imagined but it is a fact whether fair or not.
- Acceptance is simply about acknowledging the truth of the situation, not approving of it.
Re-source: Re-empowered
There is a difference between feeling our emotions and believing them
- Because our feelings can be triggered by the past, they can often lie to us.
- The emotion is real but the story behind them might not be
- Our feelings are asking us to relate to them as a child who is going through something difficult
- Avoid the victim trap
Turn “I can’t” to “I won’t”
- It is truly a choice that you are making
All stress is the result of feeling as though you have no choice about something.
“As soon as you realize the inherent choice in any situation, you regain a sense of being in control and feelings of stress will begin to disappear.”
– Bill Cummings
Ask yourself these questions when you struggle through change
- What
can possibly be right about this?
- This helps us to find meaning and to grow.
- What in your life or in yourself can you be grateful for right now?
craving and resource from “Adaptability” – How to survive change you didn’t ask for – by M.J. Ryan
