What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy?
- 80% of millennials when asked what their most important life goals were, said that a major life goal for them was to get rich.
- And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
- We’re constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more.
- We’re given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development (The Longest Study on Happiness)
- The lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information generated aren’t about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.
- The clearest message from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
They’ve learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills.
- It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than people who are less well connected.
- The experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.
- People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy.
- their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.
- People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy.
- The sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they’re lonely.
- We know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage.
The second big lesson learned is that it’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship; but it’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.
- Living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.
- High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health.
- perhaps worse than getting divorced
- High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health.
- Living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
- The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.
The third big lesson learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don’t just protect our bodies, they protect our brains.
- The people, who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, have memories that stay sharper longer.
- The people in relationships where they feel they really can’t count on the other one, are the people who experience earlier memory decline.
- Good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being.
Re-source: Rebuild
To build again : to remodel or make extensive changes in
Many young adults really believe that fame, wealth, and/or high achievement are what they need to go after to have a good life. But, the 75 year old study shows that people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, and with community.
- As humans, we really like a quick fix; something we can get that’ll make our lives good and keep them that way.
- Relationships are messy and complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends is not sexy or glamorous.
- It’s lifelong. It never ends.
So what about you? What might leaning in to relationships even look like? Well, the possibilities are practically endless.
- It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together.
- Or it could be reaching out to that family member who you haven’t spoken to in years.
- Those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
Remember, the good life is built with good relationships.
craving and resource from Robert Waldinger – with the Longest Study on Happiness